Conflicts are mainly about emotions- deep feelings that we have been wronged or our needs are not being met. Without emotions, we would have no conflicts. Emotions effect our perceptions of what happens to us. Perception in conflict is much more important than reality. Our perceptions in a conflict are based on what we experience mixed with what we are told by others. In conflict, stories of suffering at the hands of the other group are passed down from generation to generation, appear in the media and constantly reinforced by the societies we live in. The acts of the other become exaggerated in our perceptions as they are talked about over and over. This is referred to as Collective Memory (Vamik Volkan). As the collective memories grow, we instinctively link the present to the past. Links are made based on our perceptions of who we are. We make connections to events that may or may not be related. In conflict our perception of the other group is often wrong, filled with incorrect stereotypes, misconceptions and misinterpretations.  This allows us to dehumanize the other group. Because you cannot be in conflict with someone you like so we naturally dehumanize in conflict. ​

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Our perceptions act as a filter or lens that we view the world based on our past experiences or what we have been told about our past. Each new event is seen through this lens. These experiences are part of who we are, our cultures, our collective identities. Everything we hear or see confirms what we think we already believe about the world. Psychologists call this a ‘Confirmation Bias’- the tendency we all have of favouring information that we agree with, that confirms our worldview, and the tendency we all have to filter out or ignore information that conflicts with our worldview.

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Perception creates a need for violence. The goal of violence is to destroy the enemy physically or mentally and to make us feel better; to satisfy a deep psychological need. Conflict makes us feel vulnerable, hurt and humiliated. When we feel hurt or humiliated we use violence to restore pride to the group.  The results to violent conflict are often suffering and misery by all parties. Groups and people involved in violent conflicts are willing to risk their sense of order and security to change the situation which often makes conflicts very irrational.

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Once there is violent conflict, we have ‘zero-sum thinking’. This is the perception that the more the other person has, the less I have, there can be only one winner and one loser and if I win, you lose.